what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
what if there was a show where every character was gay and you had the token straight guy character who acted really stereotypical and was into cars beers and women and everyone was like OH STRAIGHT LARRY YOU’RE SO FUNNY AND STRAIGHT
imagine if your name was a swear word
motherfucker can you please come down to the office
omg at first i thought u meant like ur name was used as a swear word
shut the brittany up go chris yourself
Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”
"Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs"
Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock
I bet that is the happiest dog
My talents include being able to identify every one of the 5000 songs on my iPod by the first chord and eating more than the rest of my family combined
if she flinches when you go to put your arm around her … someone else’s hand wasn’t so sweet … if she questions you … someone else has lied to her … if she doesn’t tell you things … someone else once betrayed her secrets … behind every cranky, complicated girl or girl who is scared to love is … a girl who is tired of being broken.
i have never seen something more clearly written by a straight white male
"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]
Hot to Tell When You Need New Milk [doghousediaries]